im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
