Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
