Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
