Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
