i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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