You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
