If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Everything about him screamed your future.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Can you bring me the toilet please
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
