Screwed.edu
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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