So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
