i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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