just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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