Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
