what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
