Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
