Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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