omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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