I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
