guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
