he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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