Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
