Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
