He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
