Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
