make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
