Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
