Where did you get a picture of my penis
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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