Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
