remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
