Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
