Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
