As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
