If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
