Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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