You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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