I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
