no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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