Cold hands, warm shart.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
