Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
