She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We had to coat check the pizza.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
