You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When did angry sex become our thing?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
