the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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