just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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