it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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