5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
