I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
