letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
