One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize