Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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