Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
