I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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