He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
