If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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