im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
