I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
