im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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