Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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