thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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