his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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