You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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