White coat. Heels.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think i got beer on your cat.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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