I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
