I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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