Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
