I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
