Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
porn star boner night. come get it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
