This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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