I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
