so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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