I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
