I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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