So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
