can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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