Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
