Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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