Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
