If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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