If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
