so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
