rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
